Why am I writing?

I grew up in the church. I loved being in the church…so why am I writing about facing my faith? Because I have fallen away and it upsets me. Because I want to explore more about my faith. Because I want to find "home" again.

I guess to start this journey, I need to give a little backstory so here goes...

I grew up in a clergy household. My father was a Anglican priest and my mother was a stay-at-home mom. Every Sunday, we drove the 45 minutes from our home to my dad’s parish. My mom taught Sunday School and I even sung in the choir for awhile. Church was a happy place for me.

When I was 13, my dad was elected bishop of our diocese and suddenly everyone knew my family. Years later, my dad would ask me if it ever bothered me being the bishop’s daughter. I could honestly reply that it did not. I thought it was cool to have my dad as bishop mostly because I grew up watching him work so hard to keep the churches together through a great deal of turmoil. He always seemed to be the one people turned to for answers so it seemed only appropriate that he was elected bishop.

Things did change though…at least at our small church. Well, things did not really change, but people did. They did not like that my dad now traveled a lot and was often absent from the church 2 weekends a month or more. That’s when things went dark and when the church building I had grown up in no longer felt like a second home.

People started being snarky. Rumors were spread and comments were made. All in all, things got very ugly very fast. My young brother and I were dragged into it and soon my dad had a decision to make. He chose to leave this parish and become a fulltime bishop for a time. I had never seen anything like that before. Maybe I had been sheltered and protected from the ugliness, but by the time I was 16, I was wondering how a place filled with the love of God…a place I felt so safe…become a roman coliseum.  I couldn’t even go back with my parents to visit the church because it felt like something horrible now lived there.

As college approached, I made a decision. I was going to become Roman Catholic…or at least, start attending Mass. I grew up going to Catholic school for elementary and both of my parents were “cradle Catholics” who left for different reasons so I was familiar with the Church. I started attending here and there at my college Catholic Student Union and enjoyed it.  It was GREAT being anonymous. It was GREAT knowing that no one was going to say hurtful things to me just to hurt my dad. It was GREAT knowing I could just focus on the service and enjoy it and I did.

I converted to Roman Catholic on Holy Saturday when I was 20. My dad was hurt and due to other things going on, we weren’t really at the best place with our relationship; however, he still came and I saw him in the back participating in the Mass just as he had when I was in Catholic school. He passed away less than a year later and the Catholic Church would be my comfort and solace throughout the difficult years that lie ahead. My mother and brother would eventually return to the Church and for a time, we all were close with the church, but that is not the purpose of this blog.

The purpose of this blog is for me to explore more of my faith and some of the questions I have. It’s not about being a Catholic or Anglican or anything like that. It’s about how to express faith and face my faith.

I look forward to hearing from anyone about your own questions on faith. It’s always good knowing you’re not alone. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. God bless!